The Teaching Dilemma

For quite some time now I’ve been tossing around the idea of becoming a teacher. I’ve always joked that the only thing I’ve ever been TRULY good at is school, so teaching seems like a viable option.

I believe that education is power and that every person deserves an equal opportunity at that power. I also know that I’d want to work in a Philadelphia public school, or some other subsequent under-privileged school district. Sorry Owen J., but despite your internal conflicts, the children and the quality of education isn’t suffering enough for me to feel the need to be there and make an impact.

My concern is that this might just be a passing idea, like many of my other fleeting ideas.

Then there is the idea of teaching English abroad. While I know I’d have to cough up a decent amount of cash to pay for TEFL classes, the opportunity would be indispensable. I would get to live in another country (again) and have a whole new experience. I do love those.

Then there is the Philadelphia Teaching Fellow. A crash course in teaching middle/high school level students in the Philadelphia public school system. The downfall; I only qualify to teach Special Education. Not that teaching Special Education is a downfall. It’s the fact I’d be teaching all subjects that becomes the challenge, but I shouldn’t let it be a challenge on the account that the “only thing I’m good at is school.” The perk? I could qualify for loan forgiveness. I think I heard the Hallelujah Chorus just then.

Granted this perk is not why I would devote myself to teaching in a Philadelphia public school. My desire goes beyond something as selfish as loan forgiveness.

I’m a calculating individual. When something isn’t quite right in my eyes I must question, explore and analyze before making a decision. This diagnosis was given to me by a fellow coworker at my current place of employment.

But how do I decide something when I’m being pulled in multiple directions? I’ve been told before that there are no wrong decisions. Perhaps there aren’t, but surely there are ones that are better than others. Ones that will make me happier than choosing the other.

How do I decide?

When Delusion Meets Reality

Now an official graduate of Temple University (I finally received my diploma in the mail–and framed it for more than I’d like to admit), the emails and constant snail mail letters from AES and Sallie Mae are pouring in. Time to pay all the money back that I carelessly borrowed from high interest, money hungry loan providers.

Currently, I have approximately $75,000 in debt to pay off within the next 10-15 years. That’s only a rough estimate. My Sallie Mae loan at a 10 percent interest rate predicts that within my 15 years of paying off the loan I received from them I’ll be paying $25,000 alone (that includes interest). Tack on another $50,000 from government and PNCBank loans and I’m drowning in a sea of negative numbers.

I started applying for jobs in my field back in February of this year. I’ve had one interview. I still have no job in my field. Instead, I now work full-time as a server making approximately $500-600/week. The potential to make more than that per week is a very real possibility. It averages out to be about the same if not more than what someone starting out as a reporter (my chosen career field) would make. The reality of the situation is that I have every right to believe, to know, that I can make more as a server than as a reporter at this point.

This is where my delusion has met reality. I never thought that four months after officially completing my college education that I’d be seriously considering remaining in the restaurant world for an undisclosed time frame. My prior job at an assisted living home (which I complained about in my last post) would barely have covered the monthly payments the loan companies expect me to pay.

If I don’t reduce my payments I’m looking at almost $600/month. With the offered reductions it’s still relatively high: $400/month.

Let’s look at what I would be facing if I stuck with the $600/month. Per year, I would be paying $7,200. According to simplyhired.com, the average salary for an entry level reporter is $20,000. My loans would be almost HALF of what my annual salary would be. Not only that, it’s $8,000 less than what I’m currently  making (give or take, depending on the day). Now, the average salary for a reporter varies greatly from company to company, but the outlook is bleak.

Talking with my coworkers, it seems as though I’m not alone. Many of those working at my current restaurant gig went to college only to settle into the immediate financial gratification of a server job. And so, my curiosity is branching out. How many of us recent graduates, and even graduates of years past, have settled into a comfy server position? What are the reasons behind this move? For me, it’s simply a more financially lucrative job to pursue, and despite my moral reservations on making a career based off of how much money you make, I still need to pay those bills.

And so, I ask all you recent graduates…what is your situation? What loans must you pay back? What did you major in? And where are you working now? This will be an on going forum for me to gather a better understanding of what’s REALLY going on for the graduates of today.

Swallowed Whole

This post is not what I intended this blog to be, but I desperately need some kind of outlet as I embark on an endless journey to find peace. I’m not quite sure I can even put what I’m thinking and how I’m feeling into coherent words.

I feel trapped by my very existence at the present moment. I’ve since graduated from college with a bachelor’s degree in journalism. I do not have a job in the field. Quite frankly, I’m not sure I want one. I simply have no idea what I want. I have no idea who I am. 16 years of schooling and I’m left with nothing. No sense of self.

When I came back from Japan I thought I had it all figured out. International media. Foreign correspondent. Middle East all the way. Today, I wallow in self-pity because I live at home, have a job I absolutely despise and envision myself quitting and storming out of every day and I have no ambition for anything. I can’t muster it. I can’t find it. Sometimes, on good days, I can feel a glimmer of hope, a possible light and new path to take, but it is always short-lived.

Next week I’ll be living in Philly again and hopefully working at one of the two prospective restaurants in the Philly airport that have offered me jobs yet continue to lead me in circles. It’s a temporary solution to a permanent problem. I had been applying to jobs in my field, but then it got old. Rejection emails, no response at all and even the glimmer of hope smashed to pieces like a ornament shattered to hundreds of tiny pieces.

Had a boyfriend for six months…almost immediately after I got back from Japan. I had told myself I’d give myself time. To have time for myself, be alone, be single, focus on me, when I came home. I never did that and now I’m suffering from eternal restlessness. Sometimes I think that the boyfriend was the cause of me losing sight of what I wanted in life, now I’m convinced it wasn’t him at all. It’s always been me. There’s something inside me that hasn’t been tackled, unwound, untangled and laid to rest. I can assume it is certain things, but in the grand scheme of things, I don’t know.

Everyone around me keeps making me feel bad about not talking to them or acting as though I’m distancing myself from them. I just want someone to ask if I’m alright, and when I say no, they’ll listen, they’ll hold me and tell me it’s alright. Instead, they all make it about themselves. I never unload my deeper problems on people. Never. Not even my closest friends (or once close friends) know my internal struggles that I deal with regularly. I don’t feel the need to burden anyone with my problems. Instead, I shrug it off. No use wallowing in my misery except when I’m alone. Too bad I don’t have health insurance, I’d go talk to a shrink. Haha.

The reality of letting someone into my world, truly letting them in, would mean a constant war. The sad part is, I ended the relationship with the one guy that I believe would withstand the war. My reasoning behind the break up is simple though, aside from him being able to deal with me, there’s not an intellectual connection. I want deep conversations, making plans for crazy ideas and actually acting on them. He is as straight as an arrow. I need a guy that will challenge me mentally. Stimulate my brain. I need it to be stirred because right now it’s like stagnant water. The mosquitoes will swallow me whole.

Pottstown Revitalization

While eating my Cheerios this morning I was reading the Pottstown Mercury. Although I thought it would be interesting to comment on the almost full page article they had discussing people’s negative opinion on Obama’s presidency, I found the article discussing a report done by the Urban Land Institute on what Pottstown needs to do to revitalize the town a bit more interesting. Not to mention, it had a more positive outlook for life.

One of the suggestions made was having a rail line running from Pottstown to Philadelphia. As someone who will be commuting my last semester to Temple University, located in Philadelphia, from Pottstown, I found this to be a fantastic point to make. In fact, quite possibly having that connection would help solve the other issues that the report pointed out. Other such issues included more businesses in the town itself, including restaurants and clothing shops.

If a connection to Philadelphia was worked out (before 1981, there had been a commuter rail but it was owned by the Reading Railroad and so had to compete with the Philadelphia rail), companies/restaurant owners/etc would be more inclined to do business in Pottstown. A connection to the city would bring in more people for the businesses and in turn, would give an incentive to open up in Pottstown. Right now, the only business a restaurant or clothing store is going to get is those that already live in Pottstown.

Furthermore, recent graduates looking to move out of the city and have affordable housing, might still need to commute to Philadelphia. Right now, the closest train stations to Philadelphia are approximately a half hour away. One can either go to Norristown or to Paoli, depending on which side of the river you live. Having a train station in Pottstown would give recent graduates the incentive to live in Pottstown because they wouldn’t have to travel as far to get a train into the city.

Pottstown would do well to focus on the younger generation as the point of making money. Opening up restaurants, coffee shops and bars would draw more attraction to the area. A train would give more people access and bring in more business.

The question is, with this current economy, can it be afforded by those who would have to take on the costs? Currently the rails only are frequented by freight trains, yet they parallel those of Manayunk and Norristown. If SEPTA would take on the financial setback it might serve them quite well in the long run. The impending fare hikes this summer are inevitable, yet many are asking what am I getting for the money I’m paying? While better customer service as well as cleaner facilities would do wonders when it comes to SEPTA improvement, perhaps more accessibility would give SEPTA more business.

For me these are all speculations, but they really don’t seem that far off base, do they?

This would also be a great move for both Pottstown and Philadelphia in efforts to make PA more green.

I know it can be done. Living in Japan has taught me that much, where everyone uses public transportation. Effective, efficient, and accessible public transportation can be beneficial for those using it as well as those who must first put out the big bucks to reap the benefits later. Gasoline is only going to get more expensive. More fuel efficient cars and hybrids are great alternatives and effective in creating a greener America, but public transportation can truly make a difference in many ways.

There are rails running right through Pottstown, so what are we waiting for?

When does the system not fail?

Obama was quoted Tuesday, January 5, stating that “the system has failed” in response to a Northwest Flight 253 passenger smuggling bombs onto the plane, states a CNN report. He even admitted that there had been several “red flags” that the intelligence community should have picked up on which could have prevented this ever from occurring. In a nutshell, the guys that are supposed to be keeping us safe are too stupid to put two-and-two together. What else is new?

I could have sworn after 9/11 occurred there were leaks of the White House and intelligence having the information necessary to put two-and-two together to prevent such a tragedy from ever occurring. It makes me wonder, what are they doing in there? Twiddling their thumbs?

I will not even begin to offer up solutions of my own because I know I wouldn’t know where to begin, but if these people are paid to come up with effective solutions, why do they always seem to fail?

Throughout history, the system as we know it, in every aspect (education, jobs, protection and security, as well as the governing bodies themselves) have failed in one way or another. Nothing is perfect. No one is perfect. And so, throughout history we have tried to correct the system. Implemented affirmative action and unemployment compensation; exposed embezzling and lying government and business figureheads. Still, we are at an impasse.

There are things that no matter what systems we implement, they fail. Security doesn’t connect the dots. Democracy is not welcome in a country. Peace is not the answer between two warring parties unless both sides get what they want. Can the human race come up with a foolproof system? Or one that can rectify some of the glaring issues that we face today? I don’t know. Sure is food for thought though, isn’t it?

And another question that plagues me…can people accept each other despite their differences? Can each have their opinion, their beliefs, but still get along? As of yet, I don’t see it occurring. We let our differences destroy relationships, destroy lives. Acceptance is unheard of in many altercations throughout the world. I always fall back to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict when it comes to a war of beliefs. Of course, it is not just about beliefs, opinions and ideals. It’s also about land and control. Nothing can ever be simple, that is for sure. No matter how many solutions that have been attempted, they fail.

Despite all the failures we will run into throughout our lives, no matter the situation, I believe it’s important to stay optimistic, to continue seeking new solutions. And maybe learning to accept one another for our own individual beliefs and coming to a compromise. Not allowing more bloodshed in the name of those beliefs because in reality, what good does it do?

I think the world needs a big hug.

Appreciating freedom of speech

First I was dumbfounded when the Chinese government blocked social network sites such as Twitter and Facebook, now I watch in awe the coverage that is being provided by these same websites to broadcast the protests in Iran. I am forever amazed at how the Internet has affected the very way we live and communicate. At times I have doubts about the advent of advanced technology. Many of the things that we have invented over the years has put us at odds with the very world we live in. And here lies proof that some of that technology is being used for the better.

CNN.com reported how Twitter is being used to report the bloodshed and turmoil being faced by protestors in Iran. After checking out the featured Twitter page, IranRiggedElect, I was reminded yet again how lucky I am. But at the same time how passive my generation is. We are living in a country that grants freedom of speech, moreso than many other countries, especially Iran. As a woman I also have more freedoms than others in other countries. I have freedoms that many women only dream of. I even witnessed this when in Japan. Women there are still expected to be feminine, pure and innocent.

I hear people talking about how this and that should change, yet no body puts those words into action. I went down to D.C. once to protest the war…it was nothing like it was back in the 60s. When Temple students were faced with an increase in tuition by $5,000, only a handful attended the protest…not even enough to march. I believe it was over 300 or 400 students that had responded they would be there.

Yet, here people of all generations in Iran and other countries protest, Twitter and Facebook about the issues that matter most to them. Yes, those issues are almost always more dire than the ones my generation living in the U.S. face today. Yes, that of course gives them more motivation to fight for what they believe in. But must we be passive about everything we say must change? We are a damn lucky generation of people. Many don’t realize this. We are given freedoms that other countries’ people have never known, yet we sit on those freedoms like chickens incubating their eggs. We need to stop sitting and talking and start doing something. All those freedoms are going to waste.